I mean, I love sex, and anytime I can get it is #winning in my eyes.But the mornings? (Granted that's when us guys are UP!) I just don't feel that sexy in the mornings because of the following reasons:7 Sins of MORNING SEX:1. Bed hair. 'Nuff said...and I've got eye crusties in my eyes. Not exactly looking my best in the mañana.3. I most likely would have taken my contacts out. So unless I'm wearing my librarian marm glasses, then I'm blinder than Hellen Keller in a cave...4. Morning breath...5. I always take forever to wake up...so I'm really only about as conscious as my bed table...6. I sweat worse than a wanton whore at Christmas in my sleep...so who knows if I'm smelling like a Parisian gym or not...7. And typically I feel all bloated and dirty. Sleep in Koelen Land is serious business and it ain't pretty!...8. After a night of letting your food digest, are you really then wanting to jump into anal gay sex? Because you just allowed 6-8 hours of food to digest through your system. No one likes a shitty kitty.Ugh this is why I just feel gross in the mornings. I try not to let my inner Bree van der Kamp out and let all of that obsessing ruin a good morning romp...But can't we fuck at night like normal folks? Getting freaky with Morning Sex is just something some prefer, and some of us don't.
Someone come slap the fuck outta me now and tell me to shut up about my #firstworldproblems!
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